TURNING 42

This year is my 42nd. And this year proves to be really challenging for my sake. Firstly, my 2 kids were turned over by their father to me. For some reasons, he gave them up and transferred the responsibility of their welfare to me of which he proudly hold for the last two years and five months that we've separated. He even had the nerve to tell me that " now you know how difficult it is to raise the kids up on your own." Not thinking that when we were together, how difficult it was for me to raise up three kids and at the same time deal with an irresponsible and alcoholic partner. Good thing though is that my kids are finally with me and even if its financially difficult for me being a solo parent, having them in one roof is reward enough.

Secondly, I had to deal with a small space of a house. Good thing though there are kind and generous souls who helped me in my hour of need. I was able to extend our kitchen without knowing that a few weeks after it will be very useful. We're full house now because my mother is staying with us temporarily.

Thirdly, my mother got sick and she needs to stay in my house for awhile until her strength comes back. A bit  difficult when my siblings are not there because I have my house and kids to think of at the same time. My weekends are full. My weekdays starts at 4am and ends at the 10pm when I'm supposed to be in bed at 8 so I can wake up at 4. Everyday is a grind really. Good thing though when my siblings are there and taking care of our mom because that leaves me to do other things in the house. My kids, well, sometimes they help, sometimes they don't. Moreso, when I give them something to do, I will hear a lot of "you're supposed to do this, you're supposed to do that" and other blah blah blahs. 

Fourthly, I incur a lot of lates and absences at work because of concerns with regards to my mom. I appreciate the fact that my superior understands my situation at the moment.

Lastly, I am still having difficulty straightening my finances. It's hard to maintain a budget moreso a savings. And I incur additional borrowings through my salary to help pay off mom's hospital bill. 

Stress headache, numbness on my right cheek, body aches and pains. Pressure on bill payments and time.Turning forty two is not really that bad but the challenges I face daily,  if my faith in God is not strong enough, can turn me into a pulp.

As I told my friends, I am not afraid of what's happening with my life/family right now because "these too shall pass" and God is leading and guiding my way to victory. 

Solo parents are awesome people!

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MY COPY OF THE "HAPPY EVEN AFTER: A SOLO MOM'S JOURNAL"

I recently acquired a book entitled "Happy Even After: A Solo Mom's Journal" made specifically yes, for solo moms like me. The journal has inspiring short stories and tips from famous solo moms in the Philippines and one of them is somebody whom I admired most, award-winning children’s book author Jean Lee Patindol.

I found the journal very helpful and inspiring. Reading how solo moms managed theirs and children's lives alone. I learned that there's a Solo Parent Act passed by Congress. And, I am able to reflect on how to have a "happy even after" life for me too.

I already started jotting down my random thoughts on the blank pages of the journal and I am looking forward to more readings such as this. Who knows? Maybe soon I will share my own Happy Even After Story.

To Miss Jean, thank you for my free copy. Truly I'm blessed. 


    

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Movie Date

The past weekend was my son's turn to stay with us. Prior to Friday, he made sure that we will definitely watch Transformer. Of course! It's my promise and I'm standing pat on my promise even if the cinema ticket will cost me a hundred and twenty bucks each and there's three of us going. Movie tickets cost quite a lot nowadays and watching movies is not a part of my budget anymore....eversince I got married and got separated. Whew!

When I was single, movie watching is a must every payday. Hehehe!!! Sadly, when the kids came I'm just lucky to even watch one movie a year. But of course, there's dvd so I get to watch movies though late but definitely cheaper and in the comfort of our own home. Well, Harry Potter movies are an exception. I make sure that I watch each release with my daughter Michelle.  It's a sort of a tradition between us, that we must watch it together. 

Anyway, I enjoy watching movies with my kids. I can see the joy in their eyes and we get to share something in common. Thanks to the kids....things I haven't done in quite a while...I get to enjoy again. It's really different when you watch movies on a big screen. 

Enjoying Solo

Ever since going solo, I always grab every opportunity to be with my family and friends if time permits. I loved being surrounded by those who knows me really well, who understand the concerns of my age and situation, and accepts me for what I am. I love the fact that I am with positive minded people. Who can take life’s challenges with a cheer and never doubt for one second that God with His infinite kindness will not fail to bless those who are in need.

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Just take for example these past few days. On April Fool’s Day my college buddies and I had a get together because a friend of ours arrived from Dubai and she especially requested that we meet her two (2) days after her arrival. And so we did, and had a great time. What makes it more special is that we talked and talked despite of the videoke singing temptation, and our concerns mostly are --- health, children, relationships, etc. and we are all like-minded persons. Did I mention that from the seven of us who met that night – four (4) are happily married and three (3) are happily separated….^^ I was like recharged and before we parted ways we promised to see each other again soon. How cool is that?

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Over the weekend, my two girls and I went home to my hometown Hinigaran. We stayed at my cousin’s house. This cousin of mine has a big influence over me and I really appreciate her wisdom. We both are on the same boat of having insecure and abusive husbands. This one relationship though I really appreciate because of her presence since I was small, she’s kinda big sister to me. Since we grew up together it’s more likely that our idea of fun is the same. April 3 (Sunday), we went to our local beach resort and showed my girls places where we used to go when we were teen-agers. We had a great time, plus the fact that we had visitors from my workplace, and so we acted as tourist guide of sort and showed them my hometown. What a weekend!

In the background, my ex husband always and I say always never fails to send text or call to let me know that what I am doing is stupid and that I am a failure as a mother coz I am out there enjoying. It is his person that when I am enjoying and he is not because he doesn’t know how to….he makes sure that he will find issues to hurl on me and tries to destroy my day. But hey, I am with friends and family right? He doesn’t and will not understand that these people are my strength and support. Compared to him, he has no one to turn to. His family doesn’t want to be around him, he’s friends seldom sees him coz he’s an emotional vampire. 

In the end, what is really important in my life right now is nourishing relationships - relationships with long time friends and relationship with family. They are my support system being a solo parent. And you know what? I’m up for meeting new friends. Life is really beautiful!

Going Solo

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It’s something that is bound to happen. People close to me think that it’s about time. I’ve seen how God prepared me for this situation. I woke up one morning and realized that if I don’t go out of our marriage, I’ll end up in a mental institution. My husband is the most jealous person I’ve ever met. He’s eternally jealous of my employer, even our janitor. How a male person looks at me send him into an emotional coaster. He can’t maintain a job, he’s an alcoholic, a former drug addict and has a severe problem with handling money. Thus, these situations caused stress, unhappiness, distrust, abuse and dissatisfaction to our marriage. I’m not saying I am not at fault but God knows how hard I tried to understand and tolerated his weaknesses for ten years.

     Going solo after an incident that could have led me to kill him out of anger and frustrations, and he could have killed me out of anger because he saw that I am already fighting back is the most liberating moment of my life. I’m like a bird finally setting out of my cage and ready to explore the world.

     Alone with my eldest daughter, I can’t say I am 100% happy but nonetheless I am free to pursue my passion, improve my way of life, establish a permanent residence and improve my relationship with my family. It’s also an emotional coaster but hey, I found out that my family and friends will always be there to support, uplift and encourage me to do better. And one more thing, after a stressful day at work, I go home to a peaceful house where nobody is angry at anybody and tells me I’m stupid coz I forgot something or failed to do things for the house.

     God is good to me. I can’t thank the Lord enough for all the miracles that have happened in my life. I am at peace now and all ready to face the world with a happy heart knowing that God blesses those who trust in Him. Live and Love!